What I'm Learning

I can't believe I haven't updated in two weeks! It has been so crazy around BERC the past few weeks, it has sometimes been hard to find time to just sit for a minute and think. But I must say that I've probably learned the most about myself and about God in the past two weeks of my time here than the whole time combined. The past blog posts I've done haven't been very reflective, but I feel the need to just share some of the things that God has been showing me, even among my constant business.

Here's a little excerpt from my diary:

"There is so much going on in my heart and mind right now that I feel like I will explode if I don't write it down. I feel like I've been confronted with so many weaknesses in my personality since I've been here: my fears, my tendency to withdraw when conflict arises, my shortness when I'm tired, my impatience, and my lack of discipline. I'm starting to think that a huge part of mission work is finding your greatest weaknesses and then pressing those weaknesses until you think you will explode with frustration or do something about it."

Talk to any missionary here, and they will tell you that any weakness you have back at home (wherever that may be) will be compounded when you are on the mission field. You cannot run away from your problems by serving in another country - they will follow you and be worse. Part of this is our flesh, and a large part of this is our very real enemy. Something that Jim Hill (who serves as a missionary here with Trans World Radio) says often is that we are in a spiritual battle here - and it is so true . I have felt it the whole time I've been here. And I don't say that flippantly. I have never had all my "weaknesses" tried so much at any other time in my life. I have had to ask for forgiveness more times here than I ever have before, and I've had to come face to face with the side of me that I hate the most - the flesh. Never have I resounded more with Paul:

But I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God - through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.
Romans 7:23-25

So the conclusion that I have come to is that missions is not just about showing the people that you are ministering their need for a Savior, but also God showing you your need for a Savior. I have never been so appreciative for Christ's work on the cross until now - because I've seen the sin that is in my heart - how ugly it is, and then I look at the beauty of Christ and I praise him that his blood covers and washes clean my sinful heart. This verse from "Before the Throne" exemplifies this truth:

When Satan tempts my to despair
Reminds me of the guilt within
Upward I look and see Him there
Who made an end to all my sin
Because the sinless Savior died
My sinful soul is counted free
For God the Just is satisfied
To look on Him and pardon me

So being on the mission field for the past month and a half has not only shown me our world's desperate need for a Savior, but my own need for a Savior as well! As tight quarters, awkward moments, conflict, and differing opinions force me to come face to face with my own weaknesses and sin, it also forces me to come face to face with a Savior who has already paid the price for that sin and to whom I can still carry all my concerns and problems to.

What have I been doing for the past two weeks? Last week, all of us interns had intense ESL (English as a Second Language) training here at BERC for seven hours a day. Ben Norquist's lovely wife, Ariel, taught us and did a magnificent job. We were learning ESL techniques because this past week and next week we have English c amps for the community here at BERC. This past week, we had Sports and English from 8:30-12, and Art and English from 1-4:30. We actually had only one eleven year old boy, Matthew, in the morning, and his 9 year old brother, Daniel in the afternoon. We were not disappointed by the small numbers though - it has been nice to form relationships with these two young boys. Their mother even invited us over to their house for a cook-out, to which we went to last night. It was so exciting to see that the community appreciates what we are doing here and welcomes BERC. The mother said that the whole neighborhood knows BERC as a place "where only English is spoken" and they appreciate that.

Prayer Requests:

• Pray for health. I have not been feeling very good for the past two weeks - I think just not getting enough sleep, and who knows what else. I have been struggling with some back pain and headaches. Please pray that I am able to feel better - and just for self-discipline to know when enough is enough.
• Pray for emotions. All of us interns are starting to reach that "point" in our stay here where we are starting to miss family and friends back home and some of our comforts, like driving, and even silly things like Starbucks. Pray that we are able to stay focused on our goals, and that we are not distracted from what God has for us here.
  
• Pray for Matthew and Daniel (the brothers that came for the English camps this past week). We are not sure if they are saved or not, although we know that they go to a Catholic church. Pray for salvation for them and their family.
• Pray for the Hill family as they are packing their house up to come to the states for two years. Pray that God would comfort them as they leave this place they call home and just for a smooth transition.
• Pray for the English camp next week - pray that whoever God wants to come would come and that we would be a light to them.
  

Thank you all so much for your prayers and love. I am so thankful that through your prayers and support I am able to be here - it has been such a growing experience and I feel as though I am thriving here. If any of you have a pressing prayer need or anything you need prayer for at all PLEASE email me at rclaflin0195@bryan.edu - I would love to know. We as believers are all missionaries to the world whether we feel like it or not, and we need to pray for and encourage each other in that way. May the peace of God be with you today, Saints of the Most High God!